story time… psst! it’s a downer!

every morning if I beat grayson up (which is rare…) I take the dogs out to relieve themselves before the hustle of the day ensues. last sunday was just like every other sunday… minus the fact that I had just sent john to texas… I was a tad on the mopey side… and hardly awake, when I noticed elsie digging at the earth in the backyard. she was digging like there was something to be found… I raced over… mind you, I was in flip flops and a robe… so as fast as one can “race”… in my mind she had found a snake… and I was worried she was going to get bitten… but to my surprise… she’d found a bunny nest!

I was giddy… they were so so so cute! plus, it grabbed me out of my mopey mess… even if just for a moment. it definitely sent my routine with els and bax into a tailspin because the two of them were gunning for the bunnies… in fact, after this elsie beat me to them and tossed one across the yard. luckily, I wasn’t too far behind… and the bunny seemed unharmed….

every morning since I’ve rushed to check on my little easter bunnies to make sure they were safe and sound. we’d had some serious storms… and guess what? they did just fine… this is what they looked like yesterday… they looked like little bunnies!!!

sadly… this morning when I went to check on them… they were gone. there was no evidence something got them (usually animals leave remnants, ew.)… so I’m hoping they just hopped away to go get some twitterpated action… and live happy little bunny lives… but it sort of reminded me of something that happened when I was younger…

shortly after my parents divorced… I must’ve been 10 or so… maybe 11… we moved to the country. I was sooooooooo excited. I’ve always been an animal kind of girl (you would have never guessed, right?) and this house happened to come with a couple of chickens and a ton of cats. back then I knew nothing about spaying and neutering…

when we moved in I met my first feral cat whom I named “rags”… basically because her color pattern looked like a bunch of rags thrown together… a couple of months into meeting rags she gave birth to four kittens… four completely adorable kittens… and I was the only person she’d let close enough to say hello to the babies…

as time went on, and the kittens turned into teenagers… they found awesome hiding spots around the property… their favorite being the motor of my mothers car. I think you may see where this is going…

one night my mom was heading out to teach her night class… I told her the kittens were in the motor and to let me know before she left… she was in such a flurry on her way to school she didn’t hear me… I should have just run outside and got them out right then… looking back I have no idea why I didn’t… I guess I thought she wouldn’t be leaving for a while or something…

but then…

I heard the car start. I ran out of the house screaming… just to catch my mom driving out of the driveway and down the road…

plop.

plop.

plop.

one by one… my kittens fell out of the motor of my moms car. it was one of those things I’ll never forget. I can still feel the way my heart felt like it had burst out of my chest. and how I wondered if they could possibly survive something like that. the way I felt as I buried the kittens.  I bawled for days. I swore I would never get attached to another living creature so long as I lived… but it was just another one of those situations where the kittens were my distraction… taking my mind away from huge changes going on in my life.

the bunnies were a lot less traumatizing then the kittens, but it felt similar. finding them the morning after john had left seemed sort of like a gift… so when they weren’t there this morning, I caught myself in a slight state of depression… grayson was still sleeping because he’d woken up a couple of times in the night… so I was alone and unsure of what had happened to “my” bunnies…

but then this happened…

this is going to sound wildly cliche’, but this kid has brought me so much joy in the last six months… I mean how do you look at that face and not forget about every bad thing that has ever happened? answer? you don’t. this past week without john has been a challenge… I won’t lie… I’ve had moments where I’ve questioned our decision for me to stay behind with grayson… and moments where I’ve questioned me staying home with him and not working… but the truth is… I’ll take it all. the good. the whiny. the happy. the teething. I’ll take it. every moment like this with him seems to cancel out three of the questionable moments in my life. he does not define me. I’m still sara with my own goals and my own life… but learning to be his mother has been the most incredible adventure of my life thus far. it’s changing the way I experience things. what can I say? motherhood is unreal. and even though I may not know what has happened to my little easter bunnies… I’ll get to enjoy plenty more moments like this with my little grayson. smiles and coos and cuddles galore! so, sorry bunnies… but that’s a trade I’ll gladly take…

that’s all for now, friends… toodloo…

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2 thoughts on “story time… psst! it’s a downer!

  1. randalin says:

    I am sure the bunnies just had to leave to tend to their easter duties…

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