1230 am: saturday, october 9, 2010…
in a sleepy haze, I got up for one of my twentysomething visits to the bathroom to pee. nothing out of the ordinary. just you’re run of the mill middle of the night I hate being pregnant potty break. once I jumped back into bed I felt this gush. I’m serious, total gush. I jumped out of bed, definitely not in a haze anymore and ran to the bathroom. my water broke. I was sure. well kind of sure. I screamed for my husband who was still awake downstairs (he had recently started third shift at work and it was his night off, thankthelordjesus…) who came flying up the stairs like a bat out of hell. I showed him the evidence of my water breaking… to my surprise his reply was, “maybe it was just your mucus plug. go back to bed.” seeing as I wasn’t due for four and a half more weeks (hello, early bird)… I went back to bed.
230 am: Did I wet the bed?
nope. water definitely broke. yelled for my dear, skeptical, worried husband and we called the doc. they always tell you to call back in a half an hour if the doc has yet to call you back. we called back… and then again… and then again. 430 rolls around and John calls. because he’s a fixer, he’s getting his game voice on. luckily the doc on call (group practice, yippee) had told the answering service that she would call me after she finishes delivering a baby. okay, John put the game voice away and we hung out.
500 am: doc calls me. I tell her what happened. she def thinks my water broke. was I having contractions? nope. so we waited until 730 am to head to the hospital. I found out later it was because the new doc on call comes in then and she would be there the whole weekend. sneaky, sneaky…
so began the true waiting game.
it seemed like the longest two hours ever. john and I both took showers, packed my hospital bag (I was supposed to have another five weeks, so of course I procrastinated.), fed the dogs, ate breakfast, and off we went.
the next bit is a bit of a blur. triage checked me and yep, sure enough, my water had broken. or as the nervous resident said, “well, there is definitely fluid collecting. that’s what we see with membrane ruptures.” um, k. john looked at me as if he was going to pass out. the whole time he had it in his head my mucous plug had just fallen out. (which they can do weeks beforehand, he kept reminding me…) we were moved to labor and delivery. it was so surreal. I had a hellish pregnancy and I couldn’t believe it was about to be over… but I had so many concerns, mainly was my son going to be okay?
once my doc arrived, (hello dr. awesome! she was my fav, I was wishing, hoping, and praying she’d be the one to deliver me. I lit up like a freaking strobe light when she walked in) we figured out a plan. since I wasn’t contracting or dilating we were going to soften my cervix and do an induction. hooray. so, she and my amazing nurse betty got me all situated and put in the first round of cytotek. mind you, this is 900 am, saturday morning. here we go. (oh yes, and let us not forget I was so dehydrated from puking that morning that it took four tries to get my iv in. hallelujah for an ok pain tolerance.)
100 pm: where are my bloody contractions?
cervix didn’t soften that much. I was about 40% effaced at this point, so round two of cytotek was put into action… hurry up and wait. my doc told me the next time she’d see me would be to put me on pitocin. dear lord, help me.
600 pm: 100% effaced, 1 cm dilated. hello, pitocin.
dr awesome and betty returned (although, I had seen betty a lot… I needed to pee every four seconds! bless her for having a seriously high level of patience.) to start my pitocin and off we went. I thought we’d have a baby in no time! wrongo.
900 pm: um, contractions are the devil. for serious.
I had been having some serious contractions for a couple of hours now. shift change was at 900 so there was no way I was going to get an epi until everyone was situated… my awesome, heavenly, lifesaver of a nurse betty was replaced by denise – who was just as amazing. I felt so lucky to have the doc I wanted and amazing, seriously amazing nurses.
1100 pm: thank you, denise!
3 women in labor and delivery were ready for their epi’s… but who had the best nurse ever? yep, me. she fought and I won. hello miracle worker, anesthesiologist mike… who, just so you know, missed the spot the first time but had me so comfortable I was still laughing when he stuck me the second time. when I asked, “how will I know when it’s working?” he laughed and replied, “you’ve had three contractions since I put the epi in.” heaven.
sleep. sleep. and more sleep. until the epi stopped working…
200 am: sunday, october 10, 2010
welcome back, mike.
mike came back and saved the day. another dose of epi and we were good to go. I could still feel my legs and move them… the pain just subsided. thankthelordjesus.
330 am: ut oh. paging dr. awesome.
blissfully unbeknownst to me, my contractions had become too close together. basically they weren’t stopping. and because of this, my poor little man’s heart rate began to dip. a lot. I’m not saying this was a good experience, by any means, it was seriously scary… but I have to give my doc some serious kudos. half asleep she sat with me and john for a good hour and waited until my contractions slowed and little man chilled out. she was awesome.
500 am: are we ever getting a baby?
dr a came in and told me I wouldn’t be seeing her until it was go time and that little g was doing just fine. his heart rate was doing much better and since I was dilated to 9cm and he was coming down… we were going to avoid the c word. hallelujar. sidenote: I would have done anything they told me to if grayson was in danger, but I really would love a bigger family… 3, maybe 4… and a c-section every time? yikes. so I am very thankful we were not going down that road…
700 am: pain!
one side of my body woke up. seriously. I could feel not only pressure (he was ready.)… but serious contraction action. lovely denise hooked it up with another dose of the epi… but from a dif anesthesiologist… and he was a little less obliging then mike. doesn’t matter too much though. pain was gone again and I could sleep.
850 am: go time!
“are we ready to have a baby?” dr. a came in smiling… I was out of it. for the first time in 36 hours, I could not move my legs. of course this would happen when it’s time to work. seriously? I mean really? come on! denise had gone home and my lovely betty was back… it was so awesome she got to be with me at the end. I also had an entourage from the NICU (newborn intensive care unit, for those of you who don’t know) waiting for his arrival. talk about performance anxiety. there was a crowd!
with my trooper of a husband on one side and my lovely betty on the other… it was go time. I pushed and pushed… and then…
904 am: GRAYSON HAWK IS HERE!
he came out screaming. all 5 pounds and 14 ounces of him… it was a weird moment for me. I felt happy and out of it. I couldn’t focus on what was going on. it’s still kind of a blotchy memory. when they handed him to me I wasn’t sure what to do. I cried and cried and cried… dr. a had to remind me to love on him a little bit. the neonatologist had informed me by this point that one of his lungs wasn’t working right so the other one was working overtime… they had to take him to the NICU for an xray and to be put on a breathing machine… all I could think at that point was, “why aren’t they taking him?” and once they finally did take him… I felt robbed of the moment. it was strange. I guess I always had this picture in my head he would come out and want to breastfeed right away and everything would be rainbows and lollipops… it was a real, strike that, serious reality check. and it sucked…
1000 am: food? yes, please!
the one thing I found almost euphoric about was the fact that my 9 months of nausea and vomiting were gone… in an instant. I vomited even while pushing… I was sooooooooooooo over vomiting. and I could eat anything! so for breakfast I ordered half the menu and it was the happiest moment of the morning. and it made me feel extremely guilty…
1100 am: time to see your son, sara.
seeing Grayson in the NICU was daunting. the first time I saw him I couldn’t hold him. he was hooked up to a CPAP, which is a breathing machine that practically covered his whole face. He had what seemed like a huge iv in his tiny little hand and he had monitor stickers all over him. I felt helpless. it was all my fault for letting him come so early. my baby blues set in fast. I mean lightening speed. after the initial visit. it took half a day to go back. I didn’t want to see my baby like that. especially since I put him there.
1200 pm: what the? dad?!
while john was heading to the airport to pick up my mom, my dad walked in my room! (we’re from california, living in connecticut. it was a shocker and he didn’t tell me…) I was excited, but ridiculously nervous. I hadn’t seen my mom and dad in the same room for about fifteen years and they still weren’t shy about their disdain for one another. my dad had just flown out for the day. THE DAY. 3000 miles for THE DAY. I was thankful and amazed. we’d been in connecticut for nearly 3 years and this was his first visit. we got to talk. laugh. and hang out before my mom showed up… and even then, they were both polite and it ended up not being nearly as bad as my post baby raging anxiety led me to believe. hallelujar. and in the end, how amazing was it that both of my parents got to meet my first child the day he arrived… uhhhhmazing.
so, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
grayson did phenomenal in the NICU and was off of the CPAP after only 11 hours.
he got transferred to the regular newborn nursery the next day and he got to come home with me. the baby blues set in pretty hard for the first week. I didn’t tell anyone. my mom and my husband both thought everything was fine. I was happy when I could be honest on week two, when they seemed to be melting away.
today is his one month birthday. my d-day wasn’t until yesterday. life is crazy.
want to know more? read about our breast feeding journey here…